i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
