did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
