I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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