i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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