I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog