I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall