I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.