when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.