Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know