I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You smell like stripper and shame
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.