they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this