): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
