hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
