If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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