And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
