That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
