My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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