i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
