literally had 100 drinks last night.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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