I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
