Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Actions speak louder than pants.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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