I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
