i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize