She is in my trunk
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
