DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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