told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You ate ashes out of my bong
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
