i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
