my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
