god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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