I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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