just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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