is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
