someone get that fucking seahorse.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
