there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
