Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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