Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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