Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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