Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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