Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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