Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
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I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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