I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
