i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
