Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
