U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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