We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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