tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
