Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
