How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize