girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
