he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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