They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
