You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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