im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Who died my cat blue again?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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