Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
