the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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