Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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