Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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