ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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