For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The Olympian is in my bed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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