Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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