I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
