Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
