She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize