well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
