Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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