What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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