I hope mine doesn't look like that
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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