I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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