Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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