I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
