He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
