Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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