I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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