Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
